i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
