A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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