I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
