The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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