Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
