You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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