But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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