woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
