ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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