yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
