God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
