somebody snuck up and got me drunk
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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