Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
