i would punch a child for taco bell
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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