I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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