This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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