..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
