In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
