Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
