he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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