I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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