Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
