U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
