Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
