booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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