My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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