i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
