I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
