So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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