I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
