i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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