Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize