Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
