My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
