I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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