When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
