Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize