Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
