If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
