I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
