I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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