Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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