whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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