I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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