OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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