I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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