Buhtt sex?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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