i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
