I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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