I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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