U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
