He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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