I look better un-naked...
I need to stop coming to work sober
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
