I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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