i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
