I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I DEMAND FORESKIN
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
