Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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