Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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