went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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