I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
