She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
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