I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
