Tell her she can't have a vagina
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
His hands were made for my vagina.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
