wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's official drugs can't kill me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
