there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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