i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
