I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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