their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
