I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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