I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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