; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I look better un-naked...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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