You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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