I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
