I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize