The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
