you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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