Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
