I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
