I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize