It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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