We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
