I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
