I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
