I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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