Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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