I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
His nipple licking is glorious
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